Finding Comfort in You
by Sophia.Love.Linstead
Summary: The story of 4x19 as told through Jay's eyes, add in some Linstead scenes and finding comfort in each other. Erin and Jay always did need each other to decompress.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Okay so someone asked for this prompt. Just said 4x19 so I ran with the idea I had for it... I hope I do it justice for you. If you asked for it and are reading this, can you let me know your thoughts?**

 **This was 4800 words, but silly me stopped saving around 2300... and then my word doc sort of... kinda crashed? And I hate the world right now lol I'll re write the other half tomorrow probably.**

 **What did everyone think of Med? Guess I don't need to worry about my fanfic becoming irrelevant lol Considering I actually came up with a storyline for Jay's and his fathers relationship... and Erin... and Linstead. I mean, what more could you want? Okay, I'm done now... story time lol**

 **Enjoy :)**

Finding Comfort In You – Part One

Jay POV

I watch Erin from the corner of my eye, much like I've been doing all day. Usually during these cases she'd lean on me, we'd decompress together.

We'd offer each other words and glances full of courage to push through, just the right sprinkle of humor if the situation calls for it.

We have always known we have each other's back, a seamless partnership.

I know she hates these cases, her facial expressions having a mind of their own showing her pain and anguish.

She faces everyone with a brave face, fire in her eyes and vengeance coursing through her veins.

I rely on my solider instincts to push down my emotions, lock my feelings away.

My tunnel vision leads me down a path of justice, keeping the rest at bay. Until I can't anymore.

I'm painstakingly aware of the weird looks thrown my way by Erin, trying to act normal but hurt still consuming her. There a small moments of reprieve when she looks at me the same knowing way, sharing a wavelength before one of us acts on the thought.

The unit is debating the case around me, Anna from the State's Attorney's office poking holes in the case. Exploiting the angles a defense attorney would, urging us to build an air tight case.

"Erin, go down and talk to Platt. See if you can find a female officer to partner up with. The rest of you, meet in the roll up. We're going undercover." Hank's gravely voice fills me with terror, fear making my hair stand up on edge.

My eyes take in the pictures on the whiteboard; I know Erin's one hell of a cop and the toughest person I know. I understand the need to commit to an undercover assignment, but the personal ties aligned with Erin's dislike of these cases have me on edge.

With us apart I'm not sure what reckless mistake she could make to pin these guys.

My mind runs through the assault on Burgess's sister and for a brief moment I see a flicker of an image, picturing Erin like that. Bruised and battered, I stand suddenly to make a move for the roll up, burying my feelings deep down inside like I do best.

* * *

I'm standing by the door when Hank opens it to speak to Burgess and Erin.

"Okay, we know these guys like to come in at last call, target the most available women. Their MO is to slip drugs into cocktails, so nobody drinks anything under any circumstances. We clear?" I watch Erin tap her hand against her jean covered leg and I can't help my eyes wondering over her body.

"Copy." Kim nods.

"You want us to grab them after they spike the drinks?" Erin's forehead creases in the way I usually love to smooth out with a gentle caress of my fingers or a kiss to her forehead.

I shift awkwardly as my eyes take in her body again; the smoothness of her exposed back, the curve of her ass highlighted by those jeans, her heels shaping her legs and the swell of her cleavage in that top.

Against my wishes my body reacts, my arousal causing my manhood to twitch. Internally I curse myself, reminding myself this isn't the time or place.

I force myself to remember, she's no longer mine. Not really.

"No. We're gonna wait for them to cross the line of consent first. Till that happens, we just keep eyes on them." My eyes finally leave her to glare at Hanks back, crippling fear grabbing my chest.

I vow to run in at the first sign of danger, not going to wait for a safe word if this undercover op goes too far. I won't have Erin falling victim.

A safe word is decided and Hank informs them that we're ready outside.

I wait impatiently for Kim and Erin to walk outside, I quickly grab Erin's arm gently, ushering her back into the roll up.

"Jay?" Her perfume greets my senses, longing filling me after all this time of keeping our distance.

Our bodies are so close we can feel the hum of the electricity between us; her hazel eyes are looking up at me question. I wonder if her heart is racing like mine, finally being so close after so many weeks apart.

Her hazel eyes are shining with conflicting feelings, desperation to create space between us, and the want to pull me closer.

I shuffle on my feet, my body brushing against her softly. Her breath hitches in her throat, my penis twitching again.

My hand reaches up and pushes some of her hair behind her shoulder, fingertips grazing her bare skin.

Her flowing hair framing her face, the huskiness in her voice and the makeup highlighting her features tempting me to kiss her.

Sorrow fills me briefly when I realise I've only seen Erin in make up for weeks now, missing the comfort of seeing her in sweats, messy bun and make up free.

She's so beautiful in every way, and she doesn't even really know it.

The spell is broken when she averts her eyes, taking a step back. The air around me feels cold, loneliness setting in.

"Be safe okay?" My voice is a whisper, wishing I could bring back the earlier moment.

"I will."

"I mean it Erin. Please don't do anything reckless. I need you." She blinks at me for a few moments, taken aback by my declaration.

"Doesn't seem like it." Her eyes drop, a rare moment of vulnerability where she shows her true feelings. The brave face of a woman taking on the world is gone for just a flicker of a moment.

"I do. I always will." My fingers gently lift her chin, bringing her eyes back to mine.

Her lips quiver as her eyes search mine greedily.

"Okay. Watch my back out there." Her hand finds mine for a moment, bringing it away from her chin to rest with hers on her chest.

"Always." I promise fiercely.

"Oh I bet." She allows herself a small but playful smirk, that mischievous spark back in her eyes.

"I mean, have you seen those jeans on you. I wouldn't dare look anywhere else." There is a double meaning behind my words, my eyes trying to declare this to her.

"Good. Because we're it Jay." She moves towards the door, her back to me.

"We're it?" I question, making sure she understood my words.

"Yeah. The real thing, problems or not. I'm yours and you're mine. And that's how it always will be." She turns her head to the side, not looking at me but not looking away.

Love and relief flood my body as I smile, with the knowledge we aren't over. Not completely, maybe we never will be.

"Always." I whisper in her ear before pulling the door open and letting her exit first.

Her breath hitches and she seems to shudder before composing herself as she slips her jacket on.

* * *

"Can I buy you a drink?" I look over at the guy who made a beeline for Erin; I feel the distinct scent of jealousy even though I know she's not interested.

I can't blame the guy for approaching her; she's the most stunning in here by far.

I swallow down the jealousy, trying to keep a clear and professional head.

A small smile comes across my face as she turns him down, Adam sending me a knowing look. If we weren't working a case, I'd know he'd grill me about it.

"Erin looks good tonight." Adam whispers at me, eyes knowing.

"She looks good everyday Adam." I reply, not caring who hears it. Finger itching to turn on my comms so she can hear.

My eyes look back over in time to see Erin scrunch her face up, my forehead creases with a smile at how cute she looks.

"Is this what single life is like?" Her voice full of shock and disbelief, her tone implying she's not enjoying it at all.

My smile falls as I evaluate her words. Is she saying she doesn't see herself as single, or it's a harsh reality for her situation now that she is single?

"At Division Street at 1am it is."

"Great." She practically deadpans turning away to take a drink.

My heart drops into my stomach at that one word, it's almost as if she's displeased this is the life she's in for moving forward.

I urge myself to stop overthinking everything, given our confession in the roll up. Even if our conversation was swayed by our bodies practically touching, we've never had a clear head when our bodies hum, so close and wishing to touch.

"Frick and frack, just walked in." My eyes scan the room, brushing over Erin as they move towards the door in search of the targets.

I swallow back a groan as I see her bite down on the straw, her eyes also seeking visual confirmation on the target. I curse myself and try and get my body to join my head in the game.

We diffuse the situation quickly when they lock onto an unknowing woman at the bar. Ruzek and I keep eyes on them as they walk around the room, ready to steer them towards Erin and Burgess if required.

Erin's smooth back and curve of the ass keep summoning my eyes, diverting my attention back to her.

I'm waiting impatiently for the targets to lock onto Erin unsure why they are taking so long to spot the most beautiful woman here. She's laughing with Kim and I smile, missing the sound of her laugh, the happiness on her face and above all us I miss being the one to make her laugh.

"You girls look lonely, and thirsty." My blue eyes watch them approach Kim and Erin. My eyes betray me by glaring at their back, disgust at how they treat woman and the fact they are hungrily eying my girl.

"Contact." I speak over the comms, using any means I can to push down my personal feelings and focus on the case. Something I learnt to be really good at.

"Is it that obvious?" Erin all but giggles back.

"What are you girls up to tonight?"

"Oh we had a friends bachelorette party."

"Cheers to being single." Erin sings out as they clink glasses. The sentence coming from Erin affects me more than it should, bitterness left behind.

My hand wraps tight around my bottle as I hear them extend an invitation to a party, protectiveness making me want to never take my eyes off her.

I stand my ground, knowing as much as I want to protect Erin she can take care of herself. She'd despise the insinuation she couldn't.

"We can keep this party going on all night long." They try to persuade the girls, with what they believe is charm.

"Oh." Erin's voice is full of realization, her tone pretending to like the idea.

"Parties on the move." I provide the update, once again falling back on protocol to distract my thoughts.

* * *

I watch the small screen, the guy next to Erin too close for my liking. I see her body language silently screaming out her dislike for the situation.

She's sub consciously leaning away, her body turned away from him.

Kim and Erin are exchanging glances, trying to wiggle out from underneath the guys pressure for them to drink.

"Uh. Nothing. I think I'd rather smoke pot. Do you have any pot?" Erin uses her experience to create a distraction from not wanting to drink the spiked alcohol. Instead asking for drugs to deflect suspicion from them suspecting cops are setting them up.

He leans closer, begging her to drink it just for him. She shrugs at him, her body still screaming with her discomfort of him.

I'm tapping my fingers nervously; sure that Erin wouldn't take the shot but part of me worried she'll ditch the rules.

My eyes close briefly in shock as Kim takes the shot, Erin's worried face shown clear on the screen.

I place my hand on the car door handle, just waiting for the safe word or Hank's order.

My worried eyes flicker over to the building before gluing them back to the screen looking for any signs of danger.

If it comes to it I'll disobey Hank's direct order, to keep her safe from having another nightmare to live with.

To protect myself from having another nightmare to survive, my worst nightmare would be if she were taken away from me.

I curse silently when Kim takes the camera from the living area, anxiousness filling me on the inside when I have no eyes on my partner.

On the outside I look calm, unless you look into my stormy eyes.

The second Kim calls out the safe word, my door is flung open and I sprint to the building, the unit right beside me.

"Erin, we're about to breach." I call out over the comms as the door is kicked in.

I see the guy leaning close to Erin's face on the couch; the second the door is open she's grabbing his arm and forcing him face down onto the coffee table.

"Chicago PD! Get down! Stay down!" She calls out, her voice loud and full of heated authority.

Her hand pushed forcefully on the back of his neck, her knee pressing into his back.

"Where's Kim?" Adam asks.

"She's in the back. Go!"

"You okay?" I check with Erin and she nods while keeping her weight on the perp.

"I'll take him. Give me your hands. Hands!" I order as I pull his arms back harshly to cuff him.

"I've got him, go check on Kim."

"Thanks." Erin nods and rushes off.

"Get up." I order angrily, yanking him up and forcing him to the door, making sure to knock his shoulder on the doorframe as we walk through.

 **A/N: Review and let me know what you think. I could seriously use some motivation to re write the second half. Argh. :(**

 **I know Jay wasn't anywhere to be seen when they entered the apartment at the end... but this is my story so I fixed that right up lol**

 **Next up is the interrogation with Erin and Jay, then an extension of the episode... Linstead edition.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Sorry for the wait! Here is Part 2. I was going to try and update Broken but I'm almost asleep right now. Excuse the mistakes but Belle was distracting me with Jesse hotness on twitter. lol Not that I mind, at all.**

Finding Comfort In You – Part 2

Jay POV

I'm in control of the questioning; almost able to feel Erin's eyes boring into this piece of scum sitting in front of me.

I can hear her pacing in her place, trying to control the anger and disgust she's feeling.

"Women dig them." I can sense Erin is on the verge of snapping; it's never okay to blame the victim or delude yourself into thinking no just means 'not yet'.

"So, they asked to be drugged?" I don't turn or move in my seat but I can picture Erin standing arms crossed, staring at him in disbelief. Her tone gains an edge with every word spoken.

I shake my head at his obvious denial as he continues to play dumb; I turn back to Erin briefly seeing her posture radiating rage.

Her eyes only flicker over to me briefly, needing to look away.

Erin's silent again as I let my voice rise, anger on my own face as he tries to place blame on his friend.

"You sure you drove her home?" I raise my eyebrows, challenging him to lie to my face again.

"Uh we were gonna drop them off at the L, but she jumped out of the car."

"Hmm. Do you have any idea why?" Erin's tone is laced with sarcastic confusion, layered with loathing.

"You'll have to ask her."

"Yeah, we can't ask Denise Miranda, because she died this morning." An eyebrow rises as I slide her picture across the table, making him confront the horror of what he did.

"What?"

"Yeah. She had a really bad reaction to that kamikaze you gave her." Erin walks closer, leaning down onto the table.

"And after she _escaped_ your car, she froze to death." She places the picture down in front of him, the lifeless body staring up.

"So you're not just an accessory to a rape. You're looking at a murder." Horror fills his face as Erin continues to keep both hands on the table, her eyes murderous.

"No. No, no. I- I didn't do- I didn't do anything. No. She wanted-" He's spluttering up at Erin, prison time flashing before his very eyes. It's the last word that sends Erin flying over the edge.

"She wanted what, exactly? She wanted to be kidnapped?" Erin tilts her head, edging dangerously close to him. Erin's eyes hold this fierce look, a tone in her voice showing she means business. I know more than most how scary Erin can be.

"She wanted to be drugged without her knowledge?" Erin's hand reaches up and grabs the back of his head forcefully.

"What she wanted was to get away from _you_ ," She shaking his head, her tone taking on the rage of the victims as she looks down at the predator. I jump up from my seat quickly and make my way to Erin.

"So badly that she died!" My hands gently reach Erin's shoulders as she shoves his head away.

"Erin." My voice is soft as I try and hold her back, stopping her from doing something we both want, but couldn't do. A line Erin wouldn't want to cross.

"I'm fine!" Erin's forceful as she cries out, jerking from my hold on her.

I release my hold as she shrugs around me, trying not to overthink her reaction. Even when it seems she couldn't stand me touching her. Not even for a moment.

"It was just supposed to be fun." I'm leaning down on the table, disbelief shining on my face. Erin's standing behind me, hands on hips trying to reign in her anger.

My eyes turn to take Erin in, the disgust and hatred is on her face as she stares at him. Her hazel eyes fill with unshed tears, I wish to reach out but I don't dare touch her again.

* * *

Erin's clearly shocked when she opens her apartment door to reveal me.

"Jay?"

"Pizza and beer?" I hold them up and she blinks at me.

"What?" Her whispered breath, holding confusion.

"Come on, you can't turn down food." I coax playfully.

"What happened to time?"

"That doesn't mean we aren't partners Erin, or friends. We always lean on each other, depend on each other to decompress after events like today. We have a ritual after tough cases… especially when it's someone close to us affected."

"Yeah, but you left." Her whisper sounding broken.

"You never left my heart though Erin."

She's looking at the food in my hands and I wonder if she's thinking the same as me, the evolution of our ritual.

Our ritual use to consist of Molly's for drinks, or maybe one of our apartments for a beer.

As our love grew it shifted into getting home as quick as possible, lounging on the couch with pizza and beer. Knowing we only wanted each other's company to process the case, no one else distracting us.

The routine always ended with us finding comfort in the others arms, sheets wrapped around our naked bodies as we bathe in each other's love.

Taking the time to show the other we will always be there, silent caresses sharing our unspoken words.

She finally nods and invites me in; I place the food and beer on the coffee table and take a seat on the couch. I purposely sit towards the middle so Erin's body isn't too far from mine.

We silently reach for the pizza as Erin flicks the TV on, a clear indicator she's not looking to talk. I open two beers and pass her one, ensuring our fingers brush.

"Today was hard." She finally admits once the pizza is gone and the TV is only a quiet murmur.

"Yeah, I was worried about you."

"I know. I was fine." She tells me gently, her eyes seeking mine. They show so much pain, I silently wish I could take it all away.

"You weren't fine." She looks down quickly at my observation, nodding softly.

"But I mean you are _fine._ " Insinuation is blatant and Erin allows herself a smile.

"Oh yeah? Well you were in fine form today too. _Was anybody here with manslut last night? Anybody? Manslut?_ " We're laughing as we fall back into the soft couch cushions, some heaviness disappearing. Erin shuts the TV off and my body is on instant alert, preparing for the request to leave.

Erin leans her head back, turning it to the left to face me. I can't help but reach up and push some hair back.

"I got a glimpse of single life tonight." Her confession is soft as she leans into my caress, eyes closing briefly.

"Yep." I clear my throat, scared where the conversation may take us.

"I don't want to be single. Not because the world is full of sleazy creeps who don't respect women. But because I know you're the only man I see sharing my life with."

"You're not single Erin. At least I hope you're not. I'm coming home to you." Fear grips my chest.

"When?" Her voice breaks on the one simple word.

"I can't answer that yet. My problems are big, I wish I could put a time frame on it, but I can't."

"I've never loved anyone like I love you." She whispers softly, her lips quivering.

"I never have and I never will either." She swallows harshly at my reply.

"I get you're going through something big, and you feel you need to do it alone. I can't imagine what you're going through but… I wish you didn't have to push me away." Her hazel eyes are full of sadness.

"I'm sorry, I'm trying to deal. Not burden you."

"You leaving was a burden."

"I'm trying Erin, I'm just struggling."

"I can see it. You're so good at pushing things down, but you show me glimpses of how you're falling apart. I'm hurt you left, but when you're ready I'll be here."

"You will?" My eyes widen in response to her promise.

"I love you, of course I will be. It won't be easy though." Her gaze holds fear, but I'm unsure what she's fearful of.

"Thank you."

"You really hurt me, I'm trying to let my anger go about the wife you never told me about." There's a hitch in her tone letting me know she's been unsuccessful so far.

"I thought it was over. It was a 24 hour joke marriage, _she_ never signed the papers. I did."

"You still should have told me. How would you feel if I was once married? But didn't tell you because I like to pretend my days on the street never happened. I know I can't compare it to PTSD but I did a whole lot under Charlies control that makes my skin crawl." I shut my eyes briefly, the truth to her words hitting me and the hatred I feel for Charlie surging within me.

"You're right. I'd be hurt if you had been." I finally admit defeated.

"It's not that you got married. It's that you didn't _tell_ _me_."

"When I come back, there won't be anymore secrets. I promise." My words lift some of the pain from her features.

"Just try and come back to me soon." Our noses touch gently and I nod.

"I'll try."

"Is there anything I can do to help you?" Her whispers brush my lips.

"Be here for me."

"I'm right here Jay." She sighs softly.

"I need you in my life, Erin. Even just to talk to. I find comfort in you… If I have a breakthrough, I want to feel like I can share it with you. If we can just find our way back to normal… be friends and partners. Maybe I can heal, it's easier when I'm not weighing you down. If we lived together and depended on each other, the pressure would be too much." Sincerity coats my tone, my eyes conveying my feelings.

"Friends and partners?" She asks trying to determine what I want.

"Just for now." I reach out and entwine our hands.

"Okay." She finally whispers her forehead leaning against mine.

"Stay with me tonight?" The look in her eyes is vulnerable and so I nod slowly.

* * *

We're cuddled in bed; Erin's head resting on my chest as she inhales my scent, fresh from the shower.

"I miss this." She whispers tracing patterns through my shirt.

My lips find her hair; I inhale her scent as I run my fingers through it.

"I miss it too. My bed feels strangely big without your six pillows." She giggles and I smile at the sound.

"Thanks for staying."

"I needed this too." She tilts her head back to look into my eyes, our noses are touching and I can feel her warm minty breath on my face.

The intensity and intimacy of the gaze stuns me, the air around us thick with sexual tension. We both crave the final part of our routine.

After what feels like hours but is only a minute she leans forward to press our lips together, its soft and sweet her eyes not even closing.

"Erin, we shouldn't."

"I need you tonight." She whispers back, hazel eyes filling with tears.

"Please." Her voice breaks on the last word and so I lean forward to kiss her again, her eyes closing this time.

Her hand caresses my cheek as my tongue slips into her mouth, needing this just as much as she does.

She straddles me on the bed, my hand moving down to grasp her bare thigh.

I moan as she grinds down on my manhood through my boxers, my penis jerks excitedly in response after all this time apart.

"You looked beautiful tonight." I whisper against her lips as I trace patterns on her thighs.

"Beautiful?" She pulls away to raise an eyebrow.

"And sexy."

"I saw you staring." She teases me.

"I couldn't look away. You're breathtaking Erin, so irresistible." She smiles as our lips meet again, my hands going under her shirt to play with her nipples.

She grinds down on me again as I pinch a nipple, she sucks on my tongue gently in reply.

Her lips leave mine as she sits up to pull her shirt off; her hair falls down over her shoulders as she looks down at me.

She leans back down to rest her forehead against mine, her hair fanning over her face as I reach up and push it back.

Our lips are more desperate than slow when they meet again; I roll us over as Erin's legs move to rest on either side of me.

I sit back on my knees to pull my shirt over my head; Erin's pulling me back down quickly, her hands finding my cheeks as we kiss again.

Erin's gasping as my lips move to trail hot kisses down her neck; I suck in the caress of her soft neck where it meets the shoulder causing her to shudder.

I smile as my teeth scrape against her skin before I move kisses down between her breasts and across her toned stomach.

My tongue darts into her bellybutton before I place a kiss above her shorts; she squirms as I pull her shorts and panties down together.

I take a moment to admire the beauty of Erin as she lays before me, her flushed face, swollen lips and messy hair.

My body leans back over hers, I place a kiss to her forehead, then her nose and finally her lips as my fingers find her aching core.

She's panting as I pump my fingers in and out, marveling at how wet she already is.

I kiss her harder as she moves against my fingers, trying to create more friction. Her nails dig into my biceps and I take the hint hooking my fingers up as I pull out and her hips jerk once.

She whimpers when I slip my fingers out before she can find her release, my tongue quickly finds the place where my fingers left.

I lick along her entrance teasingly, before I find her clit with my lips. I suck gently as I move my face around, knowing she loves the feeling of my scruff against her sensitive pussy.

She calls my name out as she comes, clawing at me and begging me to find my way back to our lips.

She moans as my tongue slips into her mouth and she sucks her own juices off my lips, her hands pushing down my boxers impatiently.

Her legs wrap around my waist as I rest against her warm entrance, noses brushing softly.

"I love you." I whisper, desperate to reassure her this isn't just about sex for me. There is still love here between us, we will figure out our problems and find our way back to each other.

"I love you too." She smiles, her eyes shining up at me with love, telling me silently she knows how real this is between us.

She knows this is making love.

I enter her slowly, her pants slipping through her lips as I start to move inside of her. She runs her hands over my muscled back, pulling our naked chests flush against each other as I rock against her.

Fingers slip through my hair as she brings her hips up to meet every thrust, moaning in pleasure each time I slip further into her aching pussy.

She moves her hands to my neck, encouraging my lips down and onto her neck when she arches her head back in pleasure. My lips tickle her skin before biting down, every intention of leaving a mark.

Something she'll look at tomorrow, reminding her of the love and comfort we found in each other tonight. Ensuring she doesn't push this to the back of her mind, convincing herself it was all a dream, not ready to deal with the emotions.

Her breathing quickens as I thrust deeper and faster, knowing I'm close to release.

Our lips meet, tongues dueling as she reaches up to run her hands through my hair again.

She sighs against my lips before kissing me again, the passion almost overwhelming me.

Our lips are still joined when we find our release together.

The air around us is still as our bodies calm from the trembling, our eyes locked as we say everything in this one gaze, no words needing to be spoken.

 _I'll love you, forever._

 _I'm here for you, always._

 _I'll never leave you._

 _You're mine, and I'm yours._

We hold each other as we sleep that night, not knowing what tomorrow will bring but knowing we all always end up back here.

Together; where we belong.

Finding comfort in each other.

 **A/N: Review and let me know what you think :)**

 **Broken and Finding my way back to you will be next.**

 **Then Jay's list, Fate or What if? Or something else? YOU tell ME!**


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